Family Law Mediation for Parents of Children under 18
Are you going through a contested divorce, custody, or legal separation case in Oregon? Do you have children under age 18 together? If so, you probably need to participate in your court’s family mediation services.
Custody and Parenting Plan Mediation (also called Family Law Mediation) is a process in which a trained, neutral person called a mediator helps parents discuss:
- When each parent will care for the child (called parenting time).
- What to do for holidays and school breaks.
- How parents will make important decisions for the child (called custody).
- Other parenting plan topics that matter to your family.
This page will help you understand what family law mediation services courts provide, what you need to do, and how the process works.
What is court-connected family mediation?
Most courts in Oregon offer free or low-cost mediation services for parents involved in family law cases like divorce or custody.
Mediation is not a court hearing, and a judge is not there. A mediator can't force you to agree to anything or make you sign a settlement. To learn more about mediation, read these Oregon Law Help articles on custody mediation or divorce mediation.
Court-connected mediation usually has two steps: (1) orientation and (2) mediation. Each court has its own rules about what you must do.
- Orientation: Some courts only require a mediation orientation, which is a process that explains what mediation is and how it works.
- Mediation: Many courts also require mediation. This usually means showing up to your mediation session and talking with the mediator. After you speak with the mediator, you can choose to stop mediation at any time.
How do I get started? Here are your next steps:
- Find out what is required: Check your court paperwork and visit your court’s website for information about family law mediation (sometimes called divorce or custody and parenting time mediation). If you do not see anything, call the court for help.
- Complete orientation: Each county’s orientation looks different. Check your court paperwork or visit the court’s website to learn how to complete orientation.
- If your court requires it, try mediation: Keep reading to learn about your options for participating in mediation, and how to ask for an exception if you have a good reason to not participate.
- If your court doesn’t require mediation, but you want to try it: You may ask the court to send your case to mediation. Talk to a family court clerk or family court facilitator to understand the steps to request court-connected mediation.
How does mediation work?
Here's what the process looks like:
- Meet with mediator: You and the other parent meet with the mediator. This may happen in person, online, or over the phone. The mediator may meet with you and the other side at the same time. Or, they might meet with you separately.
- Mediator guides the conversation: You talk about custody, parenting time, and your child’s needs. The mediator guides the conversation and may help you come up with ideas to fit your family’s needs.
- If you reach an agreement: the mediator will help you put it in writing.
- If you don’t agree: You can keep talking on your own. If you can't agree on everything, you can go to trial, and a judge will decide.
How do I prepare for mediation?
Here are some things you can do to prepare for mediation:
- Check your court paperwork, visit your court’s website, and attend your court’s orientation process for specific next steps.
- You can read the below frequently asked questions and these Oregon Law Help articles for additional tips to prepare for mediation:
Tell the mediator if:
- You are afraid to be in the same room or a virtual meeting with the other parent.
- You are worried you’ll agree to something you don't want.
- You are unsure if mediation is the right process for any reason.
The mediator can often adjust the process to prioritize safety. Ask what options are available.
Depending on the case, mediation may happen in one of two ways:
- The mediator meets with everyone involved together, and you talk directly with the other parent with the mediator’s support.
- The mediator meets with everyone separately, and you do not talk directly to the other parent. The mediator will communicate back and forth between you.
The mediator will help determine whether meeting together is an option for your case.
If your court requires mediation, and you have good reasons to not participate, you can ask to be excused from mediation. Most courts will excuse you from attending a court-connected mediation appointment if:
- Mediation isn’t safe because of abuse or other reasons.
- You and your co-parent agree on custody and have already created a written parenting plan.
- You’ve decided to hire a private family law mediator.
Keep reading to learn how to ask to be excused from mediation.
Each court has its own rules about how to ask to be excused from mediation. Review your court’s website for more information. You can also talk to a family court clerk or family court facilitator to understand the steps to take to request to be excused from your court’s mediation process.
If the court does not excuse you from mediation, you must attend the first mediation session and talk with the mediator. After speaking with the mediator, you can choose to stop mediation at any time.
Only a few courts also offer mediation for financial issues, like child support or dividing property, so you will most likely need to handle financial issues outside mediation (unless you hire a private mediator to help with those matters).